Twelve Essential Strategies for Developing Emotional Intelligence and Building Stronger Connections

Emotional intelligence shapes how we understand ourselves and relate to others. The term was first coined in 1990 by researchers John Mayer and Peter Salovey but was later popularized by psychologist Daniel Goleman. According to Goleman, "“The most effective leaders are all alike in one crucial way: They all have a high degree of what has come to be known as emotional intelligence. It’s not that IQ and technical skills are irrelevant. They do matter, but...they are the entry-level requirements for executive positions.” Research by EQ provider TalentSmart shows that it's the strongest predictor of performance, further illustrating why emotional intelligence is important. Employees with high emotional intelligence are more likely to stay calm under pressure, resolve conflict effectively, and respond to co-workers with empathy.

Emotional intelligence influences our decisions, communication, and ability to handle challenges. Building emotional intelligence is not about suppressing feelings but learning to manage them wisely. The Harvard Business School states that 71 percent of employers value emotional intelligence more than technical skills when evaluating candidates. Emotional intelligence is typically broken down into four core competencies:

1. Self-awareness

2. Self-management

3. Social awareness

4. Relationship management

This post explores twelve practical strategies to develop emotional intelligence, helping you create deeper, more meaningful connections in your personal and professional life.

Emotional intelligence influences our decisions, communication, and ability to handle challenges.

1. Cultivate Awareness

Awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence. It means recognizing your emotions as they arise without judgment. When you notice feelings like frustration or joy, you gain insight into what triggers them and how they affect your behavior. As you become more aware of your emotions and what triggers them, you can notice what you feel before your emotions run the show.

Example: Before reacting to a stressful email, pause and identify your feelings. Are you anxious, angry, or confused? Naming the emotion helps you respond thoughtfully rather than impulsively. Then pause for 10 seconds before reacting.

2. Foster Curiosity About Emotions

Instead of avoiding difficult feelings, approach them with curiosity. Ask yourself why you feel a certain way and what your emotions might be trying to tell you. Also, explore what else might be true before passing judgment.

Example: If you feel jealousy, explore what it reveals about your desires or insecurities. This curiosity can lead to personal growth and better self-understanding. Use curiosity to decide if you have made an assumption about a situation and replace the assumption with a question, such as, "Why do I feel jealous about this?

3. Set Clear Boundaries

Healthy boundaries protect your emotional well-being. They help you communicate your limits, protect your energy, and respect others’ needs.

Example: If a co-worker repeatedly cancels meetings at the last minute, express how it affects you and suggest alternatives. Also, do not feel like you need to say yes to everything. Say no, when appropriate, without over-explaining. Setting boundaries prevents resentment and promotes honest relationships.

4. Practice Empathy

Empathy means understanding others’ feelings without judgment or a need to fix it. It allows you to connect on a deeper level and respond with compassion.

Example: When a colleague seems upset, instead of assuming the worst, ask how they’re doing. Try: "That sounds hard, tell me more." Listening actively shows you care and builds trust.

5. Embrace Honesty

Being honest with yourself and others fosters authenticity. It means expressing your feelings and thoughts clearly and respectfully. As a leader, it include giving feedback that is kind and clear.

Example: If you disagree with a decision, share your perspective calmly rather than bottling up frustration. Honest communication prevents misunderstandings. Practice saying one uncomfortable truth whenever the opportunity arises.

6. Maintain Composure

Keeping calm during emotional situations helps you think clearly and act wisely. Composure is a skill that improves with practice.

Example: During a heated discussion, take deep breaths and focus on your goals instead of reacting emotionally. Avoid mirroring the other person's energy and emotions. This approach encourages constructive dialogue.

7. Take Accountability

Owning your actions and their impact strengthens relationships. Accountability means admitting mistakes and learning from them. Own your impact, not just your intent.

Example: If you hurt someone’s feelings unintentionally, apologize sincerely and ask how you can make amends. This builds respect and healing.

8. Expand Your Perspective

Seeing situations from different viewpoints enhances understanding and reduces conflict. View conflict as an opportunity for information rather than as a threat.

Example: When a supervisor cancels a meeting, consider their possible reasons instead of assuming they don’t value your time. Ask yourself, "What is this trying to teach me?" This shift helps you respond with empathy.

9. Repair Relationships

Mistakes happen, but repairing damage is crucial. Repair involves acknowledging harm and working to restore trust.

Example: After an argument, reach out to clarify your intentions and listen to the other person’s feelings. Offer a sincere apology. Repairing relationships strengthens bonds.

10. Develop Discernment

Discernment is the ability to judge emotions and situations wisely. It helps you decide when to engage or step back. It is knowing when to speak and when to stay silent.

Example: If a conversation becomes toxic, recognize when it’s best to pause or change the topic. This protects your emotional health. When deciding if you should say anything, ask yourself, " Will this bring clarity or clutter?"

11. Cultivate Patience

Patience allows you to tolerate discomfort and delays without frustration. It supports thoughtful responses over impulsive reactions. It is giving your emotions time to settle before deciding how to react or respond.

Example: When you need to send a tough message, wait 24 hours before responding. Patience fosters resilience and growth.

12. Build Courage

Courage helps you face difficult emotions and conversations. It encourages vulnerability and honest expression. It is caring enough to confront when improvement is needed.

Example: What is something you need to do or a conversation that is needs to happen that scares you, but aligns with your values? Plan your conversation and practice it before meeting with the other person.

In summary, building emotional intelligence is imperative to strong leadership. A lack of emotional intelligence skills often results in workplace conflicts and misunderstandings. This dynamic often stems from an inability to recognize or comprehend emotions. One of the most common indicators of low emotional intelligence is difficulty managing and expressing emotions. Working on the 12 ways to build emotional intelligence above will strengthen and improve your self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management.